My #1 New Year’s resolution: To get married.

Quote of the Day:

“I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know.” – Groucho Marx

Quote of the Month:

“What the SMURF is going on here???”

Dear Thief,

Why in the hell did you steal my briefcase? What was in there that was so valuable that you would risk getting caught stealing something out of my car? That briefcase had three years of my life’s work in it. It couldn’t have been worth anything to you. So then why did you take it? Just to cause me pain and grief? Congratulations, you have… now give me back my briefcase. You might have succeeded in making it look like a random theft, if you had put a little more thought into it. Instead, you left the pool cue that was sitting on top of the briefcase. You left the $10 bill that was sitting in the front seat. And your biggest screw up was leaving the $500 video camera sitting two feet away from the briefcase. But that’s besides the point… my big question is WHY you took it.

So let’s up the ante a little, shall we? If you return my briefcase and blue book to me I’ll pay $100, no questions asked. If you return to me my briefcase and all of it’s contents intact, I’ll pay $200, no questions asked. If you show up here with my briefcase and offer me a damn good explanation as to why you took it in the first place, I’ll pay you $1000. Yes, that’s right. $1,000. That’s why I’m posting this here… to make it public and official.

Here’s the catch(es). You have 96 hours of clemency. Starting now… 6am. On Sunday, 28th, 6am, all bets are off. After that, if I can ever prove you stole my briefcase… well, let’s put it this way… I’ve been advised by a legal friend never to put threats of physical violence into writing if there is the chance you’ll follow through with them… and this is NOT an idle threat.

Very Sincerely,

Me

(There… now I can sleep)

((edit: ok… I just posted this and already I’ve had two people tell me that $1000 is just unbelievable. A thief that sees a $1000 reward will think I’m lying and will never own up. ok… $1000 for a briefcase… yeah, that’s unbelievable… but how much is it worth to know WHY someone you know would steal from you? Think of it as $200 for the briefcase and contents, and $800 for an explanation of why this person would steal from me and why they would choose that briefcase to steal. Sure… I could lower the reward to $500 and make it sound “more believable”… but the truth is, anyone who knows me knows that I can cover $1000. If I can go out today and write a check for an Impala SS or a used Surburban, then I think I can cover $1000. The offer stands… $1,000 ))

I have a new nickname… Deadeye.

As an explination, I offer this defination:

airbag (n) –

1) a “safety” device on vehicles that may either save your life or kill you, depending on what kind of mood it’s in.

2) a game of skill played with three candles, three gift bags, two envelopes (with mini-blinds), and one of these.

We invented airbag at the BC Christmas party last night. The rules are simple. Put bags on candles at least 30 feet (to 40 feet) away. Place envelopes in windows. Stand 30 feet away and fire. Bags are worth 25 pts, where as the envelopes are worth -25. Two bags at once are 100 and all three are 300 (bags should be placed where this is impossible). You get 15 shots. Knock down all three bags in 5 shots and get a 50 pt bonus. Within 10 shots gets 25 pts. A game consists of 5 rounds.

An optional rule that adds to the fun… put someone on a couch infront of the targets such that you have to shoot just over them to hit the targets. Oh yeah… give them one of these. If you shoot them, they shoot you. (and you get -10 pts).

This is a stupid fun game… We played it for about 5 1/2 hours last night. fun fun fun.

Well I couldn’t very well go a full month without updating could I?

I’ve been busy. My grandfather passed away right before thanksgiving. Then I had finals. Then I ran the Odaroloc “Chapter 4″ finale. Then I wrote a small novel, which I have titled “MIT grad school application #1″ Then I reapplied for grad school at State. Then I sent off 24 letters. Wrapped 9 presents. Played a concern with Stephen Melillo. Screwed up 2 solos in Melillo’s The Universe Below. Slept. Watched Return of the King. Slept. and now I’m here…

I have a lot on my mind, and for once, I don’t feel like putting it down here or getting anyone’s opinions on it. However, if you can read my mind and would like to comment on my innermost thoughts, I’d be willing to read it.

ya know… I just don’t think I have much else to say right now.

Quote of the Week:

William: What’s another way to say ‘paradigm’?

Deedee: Four nickels.

“…and works as a liquor salesman.”

I didn’t understand this article until the very last line… I mean, why would a man wait 30 years to file a lawsuit over someone using his name without permission? It’s a prime example of all that is rotten and evil with our justice system… It all becomes clear in the end, though…

I think it’s time to cut my hair…

Quote of the Day:

“ewwww… I got Wicca all over my dogma…”

I’ve been asked by several people lately why I am so stressed out… I have come up with a pretty good analogy… wanna hear it? too bad.

Imagine standing in the middle of the road with a group of friends. Everyone is looking down the road for cars coming your way. One or two people are looking behind you to make sure no one is coming that way and is in the wrong lane. You happen to glance down and realize that there are railroad tracks underneath you. No one else notices. You point them out to one or two people, who promptly laugh at you and go back to watching for cars. You glance down the tracks and see a freight train heading right towards you. You are the only person who sees the train. You want to yell and scream and warn everyone, but you don’t want to be laughed at again, so you sit… and wait… and hope and pray that you all get hit by a semi-truck before the train gets to you.

Last week I was stressed out because I couldn’t believe I was hoping and praying that I got hit by a semi-truck. Now I’m even more stressed out because, as it turns out, the train was quite real and killed everyone involved, myself included.

ya know what pisses me off? ok ok… that’s too long of a list… ya know what’s pissing me off right now?

ok, so this guy commits suicide. His wife left him and took the kids (insert the rest of long, sad, pitiful story here). So a random person, let’s call them J… (J random person?) J comes to me and says, oh, this poor guy… he committed suicide because his mean ol’ vicious wife left him for a sports jock and took this kids, mean ol’ witch. To which I reply, no, he killed himself because he was unstable or unbalanced. And J continues to bash the wife… if she hadn’t left him none of this ever would have happened… to which I keep insisting that the wife did not kill him. so J gets all pissed at me telling me that if this woman would have just held her marriage together there would never be any problem and life would have been perfect for them. so I asked J, what if this woman had stayed with this guy, totally given up her own well-being and stayed there because of him. What if she would have gotten depressed later being overwhelmed with all her regrets in life and then killed herself 10 years later when her kids were 12, 14 and needed their mother? J’s reply? oh, that would never happen. people don’t get depressed about what they missed out in life.

closemindedness… that’s what is pissing me off right now. Sure, you want me to go be part of your little circle of people hissing and booing this woman, but I say, NO! it’s not HER fault that HE killed HIMSELF.

our actions have consequences, but at what point do they cease to be our consequences and become other people’s actions?

p.s. to J, since I know you read this blog… If this guy was your significant other’s best buddy and all, then why the h*ll did you abandon him for the worst 2 1/2 months of his life? ya know, in my book, friends that choose to go away when the going gets tough and come back when everything’s all better aren’t really friends at all.

Can I get an Amen!

wow… did you know there is GAY music? (and speaking of needing something controversial to go on my blog)… Yeah, I didn’t know it, but there’s like gay rap, gay techno, gay country… gay everything… new concept to me. Richard (head of the GLBF here on campus) was telling me about this techno song about a guy who joins the soccer team just so he can hit on his teammates… “and it all goes downhill from there”… well… news to me… gay music…