OK, so I’ve spent the day trying to figure out ifmy roommate was mad at me of if he was just in a bad mood… He didn’t say anything to me when he came to class today, and after class when I asked him if he wanted to grab some lunch, he gave me this “go to hades” look and said he had office hours. I offered to pick him up something on the way, and I got the same look and a no. So the day went pretty much like that. In structures, we had to form groups… there were four 4-man groups, and two 2-man groups. Richard and I were one of the two groups… I asked him if we wanted to join with the other two person group to help with the work load (this is a 3 week design project), again, I got the look, and he said maybe 3 words to the effect of no. To make matters worse, he had been working on a problem all last night and today in class that I solved in one line on the back of a piece of scratch paper while waiting for the bus.. He wouldn’t let me explain how I did it, either… kept cutting me off…

ok… all that aside, what just happened really was totally crappy above and beyond all that. So I get off the phone with Deedee, go downstairs, eat my sammiches, and then sit there… bored as crap, nothing on tv. Richard comes downstairs with his coat in his hand. I asked him was he headed out. He mumbled yes, and so being all friendly like, I asked him where he was going. He said he didn’t know. So I start in on this big rant about how I know how he feels… I have just wanted to get out and go do something lately. Didn’t care what… hopefully something semi-social, but just do something other than watch movies… So he gives me this blank stare for about half a second, and then someone knocks on the door… before I can get up, richard answers it and I hear this voice (female), “so, you ready to go be social”. She stuck her head in the door, and I think it’s one of the undergraduate juniors here. Anyway, richard left without another word. I was just completely floored by what happened… He let me set there and make myself look consumed in self-pity and such, and then didn’t say a word about leaving. If he would have just made up something like “yeah, I’m gonna hang out with some of the juniors tonight, but I can’t invite you to someone else’s party” or some other line of bullcrap it would have been better than just giving me this look and then leaving without saying a word. And the more I think about it, the more it upsets me in some way or another.

I wasn’t feeling all self-pitiful before, but ya know, I kinda got that feeling now… I mean, it hasn’t been bad at all up until this point because no matter how out of place I felt here, I’ve always known richard was here, and I had at least one other person in my situation, too… but now, he’s out partying, and what did I do? Well… I spent 4 hours working on a jigsaw puzzle… spent two hours of that looking for a stupid missing edge piece only to find out that two of the pieces were cut exactly the same, and I didn’t notice when the pictures didn’t match up on the first one. Not exactly what I would call an exciting evening.

There’s so much more I’d like to write, but I’m getting pretty tired… gotta get up in about 5 1/2 hours. If I had time, I’d like to write some how much I miss Deedee, and about childhood memories we all should take the time to remember… I caught a smell today that send me back… the smell of cool, damp dirt freshly dug from a deep hole… Also, if I were to write any stuff like this, it would probably all come out way too sappy given the state of mind I’m in to begin with.

I’m going to bed