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ok… I have beem meaning to sit down and write a novel since the first day I got back.. Unfortunately, that whole deal with the secure shell crap kept me from posting. Now I have forgotten most of what I wanted to say. They were mostly just tidbits of random thoughts that were neatly organized in my mind… couldn’t keep them there for too long though… too much crap goes through my brain every day and I guess it just got caught up in the steady stream of stuff that slips out my ears. so I’ll write down now what I can remember….

first, 16 1/2 hour of complete stream of consciousness thought is a wild and crazy ride. I suggest anyone driving cross country try it at least once. I tried to sort out what I wanted in life, but couldn’t keep focused long enough… Kept being interrupted by thoughts like, “yeah, her name was Elaine, not lorraine!” (trivia: Sinfeld), and dream interpretation…. Amazingly enough, I did not listen to any audiobooks on the way back. I had the stereo turned on, but turned down low. Normally that kind of setting would have put me to sleep… but not for that drive. I had way too much to think about. Like what do I want to do with my life? What is my purpose? more on that in a minute

radio stations: everyone should go here and register to win a home theater system. They’ve already given two away, but they have two left… some radiostation in po’dunk oklahoma or thereabouts. and if you find out what those stupid points are good for, let me know!

ps2: james bond… it’s all about bond… Nightfire has to be the most intense 4 player game I have played in years. Chesea and I played against Brian and Caleb one just one board to only 10 pts, and it took us over an hour! also, gran turismo is lacking. yeah, it’s pretty, but the money just doesn’t come quick enough. It’s frustrating having to race the same races over and over and over just to get enough money for a single upgrade. but you cant’ race any of the other races because your car’s not quick enough to win.

laptops: I have a laptop, I have a laptop, I have a laptop, hey hey hey hey! :) I bought it broken, and after about 20 hours of stripping the thing down completely and utterly apart (I’m talking everything that could be taken apart was taken apart), I found the problem, fixed it, and it’s working now! Now, if anyone can tell me what to do with a laptop, it would be greatly appreciated! I bought a usb network connector for it, and it likes the internet. I have done one useful thing with it… I cataloged all my DVDs, finally! Feel free to browse my collection here. If you want to rent a DVD, it’s just the cost of postage! :) no way I can watch all of these at once; might as well make use of them :) Maybe I’ll charge like 50 cents for each rental or something.

diets: My one and only new years resolution. Lose weight. I want to lose about 36 lbs before next Christmas. That’s about 3 lbs./month, so it’s not unreasonable… who knows? maybe I can actually do it… we’ll see. eating healthy sucks, but I’ve been working on it, and so far I haven’t had fast food since I got back to boulder.

the future: You’d think that 16 1/2 hours would be enough to answer a single question. You’d think that anyways… but when the questions is, “What am I going to do with my life?” and I’m the one asking it, apparently 16 1/2 hours isn’t enough. It’s even a multiple choice answer. There are only a finite number of logical answers. And for this trip, I was only trying to decide between 3 of them. Maybe it’s because the correct answer isn’t one of the choices I’ve given myself, but that’s one of those things I’ll never know. Yeah, it’s a great thought to devote my life to opening up a Christian martial arts studio like Mr. Blackstone’s, but it doesn’t make sense…. why would I have devoted my life to aerospace? I was trying to find a long term goal for my life. and a short term solution… MBA? PhD? both? I never came to a solution to any of my problems, but as an update, I have eliminated one possibility. I won’t be doing a PhD in Astrophysics at CU. I let the deadline slip past… mostly on purpose. During the break, I just was never overly excited about astrophysics. yeah, it’s cool… yes, I could do it… but it’s not quite the direction I’ve chosen for myself… I don’t know what that direction is, but I don’t think it’s astrophysics. Now I have to decide… what do I want to be? a manager? an engineer? ::sigh:: I don’t know. But, while thinking about it during the drive, and letting my mind wonder in stream of consciousness… I hit on an interesting thought…

dreams and life: yeah, this is a biggie… first a question: Have you ever had one voice in your head talk over another? Really think about it. sure, my inner voice interrupts itself all the time when I’m thinking, but it’s always one voice. I might can have two or more thoughts at the same time, but I can’t “vocalize” them in my mind at the same time. That’s why, when this did happen to me during this drive, I shut up and took notice… now for the context…. The night before I left, I had a dream. It was a pretty cool dream which I won’t be able to put into words, and it’s been so long that I may have some of the details backwards, but it goes something like this: I talked to God. (God doesn’t sound anything like you’d think he should). God handed me this little contraption. It was like a fat candle holder. It was brown. I understood it to be connected with the earth, although this was never explicitly stated in the dream. Ironically (maybe some of you will get the irony)… Ironically, God gave Krys one of these things, too. His was blue. Again, I understood it to be connected to water. These things were capable of the most amazing abilities. All you had to do was concentrate and this thing could become and do whatever you needed it to. Then someone (an old, ugly lady) stole my thing. I knew I had to fight to get it back. Krys let me borrow his to fight. I dreamed in blue. Unfortunately, one person could never wield this thing as well as the person for whom it was created. I confronted the lady who stole mine, and somehow or another, they got swapped back… I had mine and she had krys’… which was also no good. So I tried to fight to get it back. Only, I couldn’t get it to do anything I wanted. I concentrated… it barely did anything. I used it as a weapon and it barely scratched her… I called out to God… “Why did you give me this thing capable of so much and then not tell me how to use it?” It was a very cruel joke…

I woke up very pleased with the vivid, colorful dream I had just experience, and then I went back to sleep (which is why I was 3 hours late leaving Memphis). Around 8 or 9pm that night… driving on I-135 through nowhere Oklahoma, that dream came back to me… and this is where it’s a little weird. I began to ask myself “what did that dream really mean?” and I did finish asking myself that question; however, about halfway through the question, another voice (also mine) began talking over top of the first, and answered the question in a way like you would talk over someone who was asking a really obvious question so you could give him/her the answer before they finish embarrasing themself by asking it. The answer was, “God has given you a great gift, and now it’s up to you to decide what to do with it.”

I sat in silence for about 30 minutes.

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